


But I Want To

by DktrAgonizer



Category: The Darkness (Games)
Genre: Bondage, Choking, M/M, Mild Blood, Oral Sex, Tentacles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 05:41:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3197498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DktrAgonizer/pseuds/DktrAgonizer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Johnny's been wanting nothing more than to let the Darkness fuck him. Jackie obliges, but things turn out a little different and a little more rough than Johnny hoped for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	But I Want To

He practiced asking pretty much all day. He had a whole speech planned out by evening, all big words and dramatic flair to show confidence. But practices always go better than the real thing because that’s when the nerves _really_ kick in and you’re left a stuttering fool in front of your boss.

Johnny Powell wrung his hands together, eyes staring at a point just past Jackie Estacado’s shoulder as he tried to get his thoughts in order. The moment he stepped in the room, he could feel that presence of the Darkness. It was a subtle presence, one you’d have to really focus on to find unless you happened to be so attuned to it after years of practice. Like Johnny had. To him, the Darkness’s essence fell from Jackie in waves.

All that time he’d spent preparing was for nothing because the words flew out of his head as soon as he opened his mouth. So there he stood, shuffling awkwardly and trying desperately to think of something, _anything_ , to say.

“What is it?” Jackie asked, apparently finally fed up with the long, awkward silence. He had this way of sounding nice and quiet and pleasant about things even if he was in a bad mood. Johnny could tell he was irritated, but to be fair, he had a lot on his mind lately. And having that, that _thing_ in him all the time had to be...

Something.

Johnny ran a tongue over his dry lips and vaguely thought about buying some chapstick in the near future. Well, here goes, he thought. He’d have to say _something_ before Jackie straight up left him, because  _then_ where would he be?

“I want...” he began, voice high and maybe a little too needy. “Well I was _wondering_ if, you know, that. Uh.” Oh god this was not going well. “Look, y-you like girls, right?” What, what was he saying? “I-I-I mean of _course_ you like girls, I’ve seen the ones you bring up here, that’s not what I meant, so _please_ don’t punch me in the face. Girls have nothing to do with this, honest, I just -”

“Johnny.” Jackie raised one hand and Johnny clamped his mouth shut. Jackie let out a sigh, long and low, and Johnny knew he had only one more chance at this. The don of the Franchetti crime family was getting impatient. “Calm down and try telling me what the fuck you want.” Jackie raised his eyebrows and added, “In English.”

He took a deep breath, opting to close his eyes instead of continuing to awkwardly avoid Jackie’s gaze. It made it easier to not see the man he was about to ask this ridiculous question to. “I just wondered,” he managed to get out, slowly. “I just wondered if you would... Let me...”

That was it. He honestly had no idea how to go from here, how to ask in a way that didn’t seem mind boggling and insane (he KNEW he should have written the speech down). He dug his nails into the backs of his palms and settled on making a very frustrated noise in his throat.

A brief silence. Then, Jackie spoke up again. “Johnny, are you trying to ask me to have sex with you?”

“What? No! God no, I don’t -”It took all his resolve not to bolt from the room right then. Johnny opened his eyes, made the mistake of locking them with Jackie’s, and looked down at the floor instead. Oh look, there’s a really interesting speck of dust. He chose to focus on that rather than Jackie’s face.

“Because it sounds to me like that’s what you’re asking,” Jackie went on. It was awful, the way he slowly drawled out his words. Like he was thinking carefully on each one, like he was measuring his voice to keep from sounding - what? Offended, annoyed, disgusted?

...Interested?

He couldn't tell. But it didn’t matter, because that wasn’t what he wanted, not really. Johnny took another deep breath and hunched his shoulders ever so slightly. “No, no, what I want is... The Darkness.” Silence. Jackie was waiting for further clarification. Johnny grimaced and added, almost sullenly, “I-I want the Darkness to have sex with me.”

He expected Jackie to laugh at him, or turn away in disgust, or maybe even tell him to get out. But Jackie just quirked one eyebrow and scrunched up his face a little, like he was considering the request - or perhaps considering kicking Johnny out.

The silence stretched on until it became awkward. Johnny coughed lightly and stared hard at his clasped hands, wondering if he should just leave. He pressed his fingertips into the spaces between his knuckles, hard enough for the surrounding skin to turn white. Yeah, maybe he should just turn around and walk away and pretend this never happened.

He was just about to do so when Jackie finally spoke up. “Are you sure that’s safe?”

Johnny looked up in surprise to find Jackie staring right at him. “Uh.” He paused, ran his tongue over his lips again, and dropped his hands to his sides. “Now I _could_ bullshit you and say ‘yes’, but let’s be honest here: You know me, you know I’m a shit liar, a-and we ALL know there’s no way I’d risk that chance and have you punch me in the face or something because I lied to you.”

Something tugged at the corner of Jackie’s lips. Was that a smile or a frown? It was hard to tell. “So you’re saying it’s a ‘no’ then.”

Johnny opened his mouth, hesitated, then closed it and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s not... It’s not safe, but. _But_. I mean, nothing we do here is safe, right? This is New York, you’re the don of a crime family, aaand you’re the _host_ of the world’s first and baddest evil. We’re not exactly the poster children for doing anything safe here.”

“This is different,” Jackie replied, folding his arms over his chest. “That all comes with the territory. But this... You’re telling me you want to have sex with the Darkness. Not me, but with the thing inside me. The thing that ruined my life.”

Johnny bit his lip. Yes, it was true. Playing host to the Darkness gave Jackie incredible powers and it had even saved his life several times. But it had also cost him dearly. Jenny, he remembered Jenny. She’d been such a sweet girl. Jackie and Jenny were practically made for each other; everyone knew it.

But then Jenny was murdered and the Darkness wouldn’t let Jackie do anything to try to stop it. He’d never been quite the same after that.

Johnny clasped his hands together again and wrung them nervously. “Yes,” he finally said, fully aware of how pathetic it sounded.

Another silence stretched on. Johnny studied Jackie’s face this time, the way his eyes went unfocused and his eyebrows furrowed just a little bit. He was listening to something in his head, Johnny knew. The Darkness was telling him something.

Jackie blinked, his eyes focusing back on Johnny. “It’ll do what you want,” he said, and Johnny felt his heart skip a beat. “But there are some... Stipulations.”

“I-I-I’m fine with that,” Johnny replied, perhaps a little too eagerly. “What are they?”

* * *

 

The ropes binding him to the chair were tight enough to keep him from moving a whole bunch, but loose enough to be fairly comfortable. Well, as comfortable as could be when you were strapped into a goddamn wooden chair like some kind of, of - some kind of SOMETHING. He could think of it were he able to think clearly at all. But he couldn’t, because he was being tied to a chair. Jackie was behind him, tying the last of the ropes; they bound his legs to the chair’s legs and his arms to the chair’s arms and his stomach was wrapped around twice, binding him to the back of the thing.

His breathing was quick, eager, and a little bit (okay, a lot) anxious. He hadn’t anticipated this, honestly. If he could, the very LAST thing he’d want to do is be tied down - to a chair least of all - in order for this to happen. But the Darkness had insisted, and Jackie couldn’t argue it out of it, and Johnny hadn’t found it in himself to say “never mind, let’s not”. And so here he was. Tied to a chair. Again.

Stipulations, Jackie had called it. Oh well. With any luck, it’d be worth it. (And he knew it would be, because he’d wanted nothing more in the past few weeks.)

It had felt extremely weird stripping down in front of his boss, so he hadn’t done it all the way. He was left in his white tank top and boxers (they were covered in little skulls; Jackie had laughed).

Jackie moved to the front of the room. He flipped the light switch and Johnny blinked, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dim lighting supplied by the lone lamp in the corner. Jackie strode over to stand in front of Johnny and said, “Ready?”

“Yes,” Johnny breathed.

Jackie called upon the Darkness. Johnny’s pulse quickened as Jackie’s eyes shone bright yellow, matching the eyes of the two demon heads emerging from his back. Idly, Johnny marveled at the number of tentacles sprouting from Jackie’s back; somehow, they manifested without tearing any holes through his clothing. (Part of him wished they did so Jackie needn’t have bothered with them in the first place. He tried to ignore that part.)

Johnny closed his eyes, unable to take the stony look on Jackie’s face. He didn’t approve, that much was obvious - but he wasn’t trying to stop this either. Not yet, anyway. The whispering in his head started then, faint and mostly unintelligible, but there.

He could feel them start to snake over his arms. It was a smooth, cold, slightly clammy feeling. His skin prickled at the contact. Johnny’s breath hitched in his throat as the whispering in his head grew louder and more clear until he could make out the words in full.

“ ** _REND AND RIP_**.” It was like it came from nowhere and everywhere at once and yet Johnny knew exactly where it came from. He let out an involuntary shiver as the words slid across his brain. Dark, menacing, sensual. “ _ **THIS ONE IS WEAK**_ ,” came the disembodied voice again. It sounded amused. “ _ **LET’S TEAR HIM APART**_.”

“No.” That was Jackie’s voice. “Behave.” He spoke as if he were scolding a dog. It was so ridiculous Johnny started to laugh.

His laugh turned into a yelp as he felt something bite his skin. He jerked back, eyes flying open. The chair wobbled. One of the Darkness heads was right in front of his face, grinning at him. The other was at his shoulder, mouth open to take another bite out of him. Before Jackie could say anything, those large, sharp teeth clamped down on Johnny’s shoulder and sunk in - not terribly deep, but enough to draw blood and hurt like hell. He yelped again.

“Stop it,” Jackie commanded, but the Darkness didn’t listen.

“It’s alright,” Johnny wheezed as the second head moved to his other shoulder. “Let- ggh!” His words cut off with a grunt as teeth scraped down his arm. He squeezed his eyes shut momentarily before looking. Blood trickled from the scrape. The demon head was already at work nipping at his untouched skin. His arms were going to be a goddamn mess after this.

“We should stop.” Jackie again. Johnny looked up, caught his eye, and shook his head. No, he thought, he really didn’t want it to end. Bloody and painful arms or not, he was going to get through this - because this is what he’d wanted for a long, long time. Jackie wasn’t going to take it away from him.

One of the tentacles was circling his throat. It moved slowly, carefully, and Johnny let his head tip forward a little so it could get behind his head more easily. It pulsed as it moved, but whether that was muscle or the dark essence radiating from it, Johnny couldn’t tell. It really didn’t matter. The Darkness was in his head again, letting out the low laughter that raised goosebumps on his skin. The tentacle made it all the way around and the tip started to make its way down his chest before it started to squeeze.

Johnny had barely a second to panic before the air was forced out of his lungs as the Darkness squeezed. He tried to raise his arms up to instinctively claw at the thing crushing his throat, but the best he could manage was twisting his wrists under the bindings. His eyes darted this way and that before settling on Jackie, who looked like he was about to tear the Darkness away from Johnny himself. “No,” he wanted to say, but he couldn’t say anything, do anything, he couldn’t breathe he couldn’t breathe he couldn’t _breathe_

Just as he was starting to get lightheaded, the pressure on his throat was gone. Johnny’s chin dropped to his chest and he coughed, wincing at how sore his throat felt. That would leave a nasty bruise. “I’m fine,” he croaked out as he felt Jackie step closer to him.

“This was a stupid idea,” Jackie said. “Dangerous. It’s going to kill you.” He reached out for the ropes on one of Johnny’s arms and Johnny jerked back as best he could.

“Leave it,” he wheezed, meeting Jackie’s gaze with a confidence he didn’t really feel. “I’m fine. Leave it.”

Jackie hesitated, the look of uncertainty on his face clear as day, but the Darkness just laughed. “ _ **YESSSS**_ ,” it whispered as it wrapped around Johnny’s throat again. “ _ **LET ME CRUSH**_.” And it squeezed.

Johnny’s arms tried again to move and he could feel his eyes practically popping out of his head, but Jackie stayed still this time. Johnny almost smiled, but the grip on his throat tightened and suddenly there were tears in his eyes and oh my god this really was a bad idea he was going to die, he was going to die all because he -

The pressure released, but this time the tentacle stayed loose around his throat. Johnny wheezed, eyes tightly closed as he tried to pull air back into his lungs. His throat had never hurt so goddamn bad. He was just about to take one more deep breath when the Darkness squeezed again.

There were stars in his blurry vision as the air left his lungs. He could feel himself breaking into a sweat as his lungs burned and screamed for air and his throat felt like it was going to collapse in on itself. He could only just feel those other tentacles drawing across his belly and arms, slow and deliberate.

He was on the verge of passing out when the Darkness released his throat again. Johnny gasped and coughed and wheezed and he felt certain if his throat was squeezed again, he would pass out. The tears slid down his cheeks, unbidden, and he wished he could wipe them away.

The Darkness released its hold on his throat entirely. Johnny couldn’t help the sigh of relief that left his lips. The laughter was in his head, not that it had ever truly left. He blinked furiously, trying to clear his vision.

The tentacle that had previously been around his throat crept down his side and paused, then crept back up his chest. Johnny slumped back in the chair as the others encircled his waist. The creeping tentacle made its way to his face, the tip reaching for his lips like it was demanding entrance. He obliged and opened his mouth.

The tentacle slid into his mouth with such speed that the chair rocked back. His mouth was forced open wider as it went further, not stopping til it hit the back of his throat. Johnny gagged on it, panic flaring as - yet again - he found himself unable to breathe.

The tentacles around his waist squeezed tight and he could feel the demon heads nipping, gently, at his already torn flesh. The one in his throat retreated some, just enough for him to suck in some air, before shoving itself as far back as it could go.

“ _ **I CAN RIP YOU APART FROM THE INSIDE**_ ,” the voice in his head said. “ _ **I CAN PULL YOUR INSIDES OUT**_.” It laughed, long and loud, and eventually the only thing Johnny could focus on was the disembodied sound of its laughter. The pain, the tight grip on his torso, and the lack of air were all secondary to the overwhelming noise in his head.

It was loud, so loud - and it felt like it would never end.

The stars in his vision returned. His whole body felt tight, high-strung, like he would snap at any second. His every nerve felt on fire and he was certain he was shaking, but it was hard to tell when he couldn’t focus on anything but that _voice_.

Johnny could see glimpses of things, images he knew had to come from the Darkness. Cities in ruins; dead soldiers in trenches; Jenny Romano with a bullet hole in her head; Jackie with his eyes glowing bright yellow; his own face, ravaged by something ugly -

Suddenly, everything stopped. The voice in his head fell silent. The tentacles around his torso and the one in his mouth all retreated. Johnny’s mouth fell closed on its own, his teeth coming together with a gentle _click_. He could breathe again (not that it was easy; it hurt so much).

It was finally over. Johnny slumped in the chair as far as the ropes would allow him, bloody and bruised and sore and shaking and crying. He’d wanted this, he’d wanted it all - and no, he didn’t regret it (much). But the extended period of contact with something so profoundly evil, the voice in his head, the images it had brought to his mind...

How the hell was Jackie able to handle it?

He didn’t even notice himself being freed until he suddenly found himself on his feet. Jackie pulled one of Johnny’s arms around his shoulders and said, “Let’s get you to bed. Are you alright?”

“Been better,” Johnny croaked, wincing. Talking was a mistake; his throat hurt enough without trying to get any words out. It was a throbbing pain, but one he thought he would be able to handle if he focused on something else. He raised his fingers to his throat and gently, tentatively touched his bruised flesh. It would take days to heal.

“You’ll be alright,” Jackie was murmuring. He was practically carrying Johnny out of the room because Johnny’s legs were shaking too much to support him. He didn’t mind. Let Jackie drag him if he needed to. Really, all he wanted to do was close his eyes and sleep.

His eyes slid closed and he gave up entirely on trying to support his own weight. Jackie gave a grunt as Johnny went slack, but he didn’t say anything. Johnny let his chin fall to his chest as Jackie continued to pull him along.

“Boss,” somebody said, and Johnny forced his eyes open. Vinnie and Giorgio stood there, right outside the room Jackie and Johnny just came out of. Vinnie had his arms crossed over his chest, a disapproving look on his face. “That’s fucked up shit, man,” he said, looking sideways at Johnny.

“Yeah,” Giorgio put in. He, Johnny didn’t fail to notice, was trying to discreetly button up his pants. “What would Jenny think?”

He heard Vinnie draw in a sharp breath. Jackie, though, he FELT Jackie’s muscles tense. “What did you just say?” Jackie asked, his voice low and icy.

“I-I mean,” Giorgio said, raising his hands in complacence. “I couldn’t think she’d approve of something so, so WEIRD. No offense, Jackie, but if you’re trying to move on from her, this is a weird fuckin’ way of doing it.”

Jackie raised his free hand, curled it into a fist, and punched Giorgio straight in the nose. The man reeled back with a cry of pain, hands clasped to his face. Johnny could see a spray of blood between his fingers.

“Never,” Jackie growled, pointing one finger at Giorgio. “NEVER talk about Jenny.”

“Stupid,” Vinnie muttered. Jackie turned on his heel as much as Johnny’s weight would allow him and he continued down the hall.

Johnny wanted to doze off right then and there, but everything hurt so much and he couldn’t stop crying. He could feel the tears rolling down his cheeks and he could feel the snot starting to drip from his nose and he felt disgusting, horrified, guilty. He should never have asked Jackie for this. Jackie was his _boss_. He was going to be kicked out for sure now, kicked back into the streets with nothing but the clothes on his back and bruises on his skin. And the way Jackie - the way _all_ the guys would look at him now... And they would talk, he was sure of it. Maybe Jackie wouldn’t, but Vinnie and Giorgio would; the whole place was going to know within hours.

Johnny bit down on his lip hard to keep from sobbing, but it came out anyway and suddenly the tears seemed to kick up a notch. He wanted to wrench himself from Jackie’s grip and curl up on the floor, but when he tried, the hand on his wrist tightened. He didn’t have the strength to fight it.

They were at the guest room Johnny had been staying in within moments. Johnny was sat down on the edge of the bed with a small deal of difficulty from Jackie, who still wasn’t outwardly complaining.

“Hey,” he said, crouching in front of Johnny. “Look at me.”

Johnny could barely see him through the haze of tears. He kept swallowing and it hurt so bad but he was crying and he couldn’t help the urge and he didn’t know what else to do. He raised one shaky hand to wipe a sleeve across his upper lip where the snot was starting to collect.

Jackie brought a hand to his face and Johnny flinched. His boss ran a thumb over his cheek, across one of the cuts the Darkness must have given him; he hadn’t realized at all that the demon heads had come at his face. That one didn’t feel so bad, though. His arms were a hell of a lot worse. Jackie’s other hand hovered above one of the bigger wounds.

“We’re going to have to clean you up,” he said, sounding - as ever - as calm as could be.

Johnny responded with something akin to a whine because he committed himself to not talking. He ran his sleeve over his lip again and then ran his other sleeve viciously across his eyes, trying to wipe away the tears that clouded his vision.

Jackie stood up, paused, looked down. “You want me to take care of that for you?” he asked, giving a slight nod with his chin. Johnny followed the gesture and had to bite his lip again at the sight of his dick straining against the material of his boxers. Well, that was embarrassing. He felt another wave of guilt and disgust; was this really what he had wanted? Here he sat, a sobbing, bleeding wreck after having been nearly killed by the Darkness all because he’d been a little horny. And he still hadn’t even gotten off.

He knew it wasn’t right. But even after all that pain, he knew a part of him enjoyed it. And as fucked up as it all was... Yes, yes he really did want it taken care of.

He nodded and Jackie crouched in front of him again. “I’ll get you fixed up right after,” Jackie said as his hands went to Johnny’s waist. “Is that okay?”

Johnny nodded again. The wounds hurt like hell and the blood was going to ruin the bed sheets, but if Jackie took the time to clean and bandage them, the opportunity would be gone. They both knew it.

Johnny’s breath hitched in his throat as Jackie’s fingers slipped under the waistband of his boxers. The fingers brushing his skin made him shiver and it was all he could do not to let out a frustrated groan as Jackie eased his boxers off. This, he hadn’t really wanted this. The attraction he felt towards his boss was minimal; maybe he really was just desperate. After all, he wasn’t in any state to finish himself off.

“Relax,” Jackie said as he took Johnny’s dick in his hands. Johnny fell back against the mattress, fingers pressed against his eyelids as Jackie began stroking his shaft.. It felt way more good than it had any right to.

The hands working at him were quick and methodical. Jackie was only doing this because he felt obligated to, after the mess the Darkness had left Johnny. Johnny knew that, but a small part of him hoped it would have been taken a little slower, a little more intimate.

A strangled whine started in his throat as he felt his climax building. Johnny squirmed against the bed, ineffectively trying to use one hand to prop himself back up; his arms were shaking too much and he couldn’t lift himself for more than a few seconds on his elbow.

Jackie’s hands sped up and Johnny let out a frustrated growl as he felt himself release in his boss’s hands. He panted as his hips bucked up lightly, wanting more and feeling ashamed for it. What kind of person was he, to try to have sex with the world’s primal evil, only to be nearly killed by it, and to get off on his near-death experience by having his boss - and the host of said evil at that - jerk him off?

He pressed his fingers into his eyelids again, hard enough to see stars. He heard Jackie get up and walk away. Johnny didn’t move; he kept still and tried to focus on the warm feeling in his gut instead of the stinging, aching feeling in his arms and face.

Eventually, he heard Jackie walking back into the room. Then there were hands on his shoulders, gently pulling him into a sitting position. Johnny dropped his hands to his lap and clumsily pulled his boxers back up as Jackie worked on getting his shirt off.

Neither of them said anything as Jackie worked at the wounds. Johnny hissed in pain and gritted his teeth every time the peroxide touched his wounds, but he took it as best as he could. He didn’t want to complain, not after all of this. Not after everything Jackie was doing for him.

Jackie had him bandaged up in minutes. When he was done, he gently clapped one hand on Johnny’s back. “You good?” he asked, and Johnny could tell from his tone that he wanted him to reply with “yes”.

Instead he said “no” because he wasn’t good, he really wasn’t. The tears had dried by now but they were threatening to come back because he felt gross, like he needed a long, scalding shower to wash off the sin. Something to wash off the dark essence that buried its way into his skin and into his blood and up into his brain.

This had all been a mistake.

Johnny’s hands couldn’t stop shaking so he stuffed his fists into his armpits, hoping it would keep them somewhat still (but the rest of him was shaking too). Jackie gave a short sigh and pulled him to his chest. Johnny grunted as arms wrapped around him, careful of the bandaged wounds.

This didn’t feel right either (but a small part of him argued that it felt exactly right). Johnny pressed the side of his head against Jackie’s chest and drew in a deep, shaky breath. He felt brittle, like if Jackie pressed on him with any more pressure he would up and crumble. Like if he moved, something would snap and he wouldn’t be able to come back.

He had nothing but his own thoughts in his head and he wondered why that was. After today, after being so close, so intimate... It terrified him because he knew at any moment that silence could disappear. And he thought that, perhaps, next time the voice got in his head, it would never go away.

Johnny knew, of course, he shouldn’t continue being so close to Jackie. Not if he truly worried about the sanctity of his own headspace. But hey, he was already thoroughly fucked up anyway, right? What person in their right mind would want what he just asked for, what he just experienced?

Something had to be wrong with him. Very, very wrong. What else could explain it? What else could explain the fact that despite all this, he KNEW if he was given the opportunity a second time, he’d take it without hesitation?

No. Something was very, definitely, not right with him.

He could feel Jackie ghosting patterns across his back with one hand. The light touch was soothing and Johnny felt himself slipping away into sleep, finally.

Tomorrow, he thought right before he drifted off. Tomorrow, he would have to leave.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Consider leaving a comment letting me know your thoughts; I'd love to read them!


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